Actually, what I’m really truly trying to say is … holy shit! It has been one of the most intense, frightening, saddening, crushing, joyous and at times just downright freak in’ nasty weeks of my silly little hermit themed excuse ridden, pain filled, anxiety shriveled, soul crushing 43 years of a life. Not only for me but especially for a few people I’ve come to care for and whom Koda and I choose to allow within our 2 member filled "Cool Dogs Dude” club, temporary membership cards only please, of course. So being the usual non-social one, I thought I'd come out and just say this morning: HI! Also, being the one who is never awake before noon, and probably hasn't been for coming on 4 months now, I decided to get up early and see if I could actually, in reality, turn to dust or if most the women I've known in my life just got that one wrong. Either way, I’m sitting here in a pair of blue plaid boxers and a Star Wars t-shirt and that Dukes of Hazzard episode was just about to be force fed into my rotting little brain but instead I’m here in my comfy chair mixing down a long lost master song file that I found the other night on some old obscure Russian, local musician’s website.

Thing is, I was looking for an .mp3 file that I had lost named Sacramento Way and it was really choking me up because it was a song from the album Learn To Shine by um, yeah and I especially wrote that song for my biological mother who used to travel by motor home across the vast American west and trip balls with American Indian shaman everywhere. Come to think of it, that’s pretty much the chorus of the song. Anyhow, I still haven’t found that one but I came across a different song that I had written like 14 years ago in some dumpy little hotel room with rented gear and a single rented Neumann U87 microphone. Somehow I not only lost the hard drive it was stored on, the backup CD I burned it on, the entire URL for the independent musicians website which had been hosting the multi-tracked wave files and probably thousands of other master song tracks recorded by musically inclined nerds everywhere before eventually going out of business. It’s all probably related to when those pesky russian web developers had to make that killer advanced technological push from HTML 1 to PHP and figured to better just shut down the whole farm cause that much of a leap in advanced syntax technology would have mushroom clouded the entire city the server was sitting in because those Compaq ProLiant Series 256Mb Ram servers were awesome and powerful, no way was it going to be wasted on something like the “arts” or “culture”. Watching the World Go Around The REAL kicker was the fact that I had not even the tiniest of clues that it went missing. I mean, it really was a tasty morsel of a Cracka-Lacka Mama-Lama acoustic guitar filled angst ridden song of a Jama-Jam-Jam. Yeah, it was that good. Still is. So you've probably figured out by now that this long lost song I found is called "Watching the World Go Around". I straight up Paul Simon and Art Garfunkeled the shit out of this three chord; 2 minute and ten second; capo on the second fret and written in the key of F# but still using an open E fingering just because I could; and frankly it just makes the ditty look harder to play than it really is … but it's really not … and I completely forgot I that had even written, much less acoustic D55 Guild-a-fed played through while singing vocals, playing keys, percussion AND rocking out on with the mighty vibraslap. (Oh yes, that is a real instrument. Just ask John McCrea from the Sacramento based alternative rock band Cake. You still don’t believe me do you? I know, neither did sweet Koda until I provided for her this epically compiled monster list which contains 35 of the most famous Vibraslap songs from KISW Rock’n 99.9 FM. You still don’t believe me do you? Ok here … I double dare you to click on this link and then hit the Play All button. Vibraslap Songs ...to be continued as I realize it's a horrible recording with jibber jabber lyrics at the end.

Mixing in Boxers at 4 AM

Mixing in Boxers at 4 AM

Well it's four in the morning and again, I find myself awake, mixing an Oliver Moore Band Jam in my boxers, because I was on my way to bed 8 hours ago. My ears are ringing, all my Diet Pepsi is gone and I’m pretty sure I finished up that massive gooey zip-lock baggie full of pure #3 cheddar cheese heroin which was probably only stepped on 9 or 23 times given how far north I’m currently sitting from Afghanistan. Oh well. It tastes the same as coffee by that point anyway.

It’s a good thing though because I was just about to start watching my Dukes of Hazzard: Season 2 marathon Blu-ray collection that I’ve been meaning to watch for the last 12 years (I’m on episode 18 by now. You know the one where they all end up at the Boar’s Nest in a sing-a-long with Loretta Lynn? Ah the memories of 3rd grade. Holy hell, that means I’ve still got 5 more seasons to go, at 17episodes per season. My nights are scheduled for a while.

Well here’s that Boar's Nest sing-a-long!

Go ahead and let loose on this one. It’s worth it. 

Don’t worry, no one is watching. Besides, that knee bent and ankle slapping, bluegrass ghetto-fried waltz has been on its way back into style for at least two decades now. It’s just got to come ‘round again. So just go to town and let your hair down. Hell, sing along if you can, and rock it hard with that old Hohner acoustic you’ve had stashed along with your brother’s Hee-Haw action figure collection. Well, the whole collection except for old Roy. He’s still cool and still definitely rocking hard … in style.

...to be continued.